Fake Smile.. Crying Inside

Everyone is telling me that I look happy… just 4 more days for the freedom(??? what non-sense??? Freedom?? House Arrest is NOT Freedom!! Work/Job that you LIKE is not something that you run away from!!!)…. they say I’m all smiles…and all that..
How much do they(or for that matter any one but me) know.. that I’m falling apart.. I’m crying EVERY minute.. I feel so miserable.. I’m breaking down
I have realized that more than leaving the job, its the fear or its the question of how i’ll live/manage with this person… that’s scaring me..

last night was such a worse night!! just posted few of the old Team photographs and some fun sports/cultural events in my company that I had participated in the last 8 years in one of the social sites and then it exploded… why you keep your personal things on net? GIVE ME A BREAK!!! it was all team photographs .. in OFFICE, few of the trips and few of the sports!! I fail to understand what is SO PERSONAL in that… !!!! M went to the extent to tell me not to touch him and he will not touch me and there is nothing left between us.. AGAIN I lost all the cool, all the things let all my resolutions fly in the air.. and SHOUTED, shouted at the top of my lungs, screamed, cried, I’m sure all the neighbors would’ve heard.. Lost my voice again 😦

Poor my brother had to bear the brunt.. only “real” person with whom I finally opened up and shared all my fears , how things are going from bad to worse to worst… how it’s becoming so difficult with every step, every moment of the day…

I have nothing to look forward to go there… it’s one month left for our First anniversary and I’m already hope”less”, questions, confusions, Arguments and MORE arguments…. that’s what is making me feel BAD.. crying inwards and putting on a “fake” smile!!!

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Posted in Me. 2 Comments »

2 Responses to “Fake Smile.. Crying Inside”

  1. varun Says:

    Sorry to hear all this….Hang in there… Keep up the smiles (even though they are fake)…hopefully they turn into real ones soon…

  2. MAIL (Middle Aged Indian Lady) Says:

    Thanks Varun.. Feels good to hear something Positive 🙂


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