Restarts?

Have been composing many many and many posts.. almost around 200+ in the last 4 months and none made it to here.. every night I think tomorrow is the day that my blog sees the light and I wake up and let the day pass by with mundane things and time wasting things (like FB/FV) and then I hit the bed and resent the thought of not doing what I planned and start composing the post and sleep eludes me but still I don’t get out of bed and write but continue with the thoughts and what I will write…
I want to write about so many things happening in my Life, so many thoughts, so many emotions that I go through every day!!

Here is a list that I wanted to write in detail about. I saved it in the Drafts in my mail on July 13th and still didn’t make it here..
What am I worried about:

[1] Appaji-Amma fighting , not being happy at all even after they’ve completed most of their responsibilities and have an opportunity to live like they want
[2] Amma – her thoughts most of which I don’t like but can’t tell her; her sufferings – some bought on by Appaji and some from herself
For right now ‘J’ causing the issues at home , which in turn is causing the rift wider between Appaji and Amma
[3] Not happy with my elder bro’s selections – his job and mostly his wife!! and her attitude and what it brought on to our house
Appaji , Amma not being able to enjoy the company of their grandson
[4] MAJORLY – my own decision of marrying ‘M’ – mainly for the reason how his parents are – so much OPPOSITE to what I wanted/wished/imagined always to be
[5] M’s English (pathetic speaking/writing skills), M’s lack of current knowledge/lack of interest in sports/watching games
[6] Me having FORCED to leave Job and Living at home
[7] Comparing my life to
SVats, Push,KSB, Nandan, Savith, SShetty; though I also know about Hema and Priya.. I feel I’m more unfortunate 😦
Also comparisons to Archie, Sandy – who all seem to be having a good life with the jobs, house in US and 2 Kids!!
[8] WEIGHT – I’m envious of how my Co-sis SS looks and gets to wear and pose in those photos!!
[9] I’m worried/concerned about my younger bro – his marriage getting delayed, not enough options and also worried and wishing more and more that he doesn’t get into a relationship like either me/my elder bro and worry for his life… PRAY that his life is better and peaceful than all of us
[10] My own doubts my capability to land in another job, worries about answering what I did in the last year
Not able to push myself enough to start on PMP seriously!!
No clue of how/which way to proceed to .. technical certis or PMP or looking for managerial positions

So.. finally I managed to type in these things.. till it happens again…
Desperately need a restart/reset button for Life!

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Posted in Me. 3 Comments »

3 Responses to “Restarts?”

  1. girlsguidetosurvival Says:

    Welcome to a new restart. I thought it was only until our 20s we think we are the center of universe… 🙂 You have everything on your plate be it worry, anxiety, envy, relative deprevation, cluelessness, lack of companionship, family feuds… name it and you have it… So what is the plan sista??
    Welcome to the club, been there done that 🙂

    Peace,
    Desi Girl

    • Sunray Says:

      Hi Desigirl,
      Thanks for reading and taking time to comment. Yes .. you are right. You name the type of -ve and I think I’ve it going on either in my mind or in my life!!
      For now, the plan is to concentrate on immediate things.. just try to get a Job first in a place where we both can work. As far as parents’ issue… I just keep talking to them and telling them how worse things could get and how bad situation other people are in and its only upto them to make it good for themselves and in-turn some peace for us..

  2. girlsguidetosurvival Says:

    Hey,
    That is a good plan. First things first and then divide the problems to conquer the problems. Did you think about stopping to enable people be it parents. I did it one time and it is still working… here is the scrip “I have my own stuff to deal with so I cannot keep bortheing myself with your stuff. If you could not sort it in 35 yrs then I don’t think you are going to do it now so enjoy what you have created just stop asking me to take sides…”
    If there is any abuse involved be it verbal or emotional manipulation between the parents then you need to communicate to the dominant parent what could be the consequences, such as nody will be willing to take care of them in old age etc.

    Peace,
    Desi Girl


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